从小吃到大的油盐烧饼，不用烤烙着吃更香，咸香酥软太好吃了, by Yi Ning's Mother Loves Food, replicated 2023-09-01, 2023-09-07:

1. 250g of like 40° water, 5g of salt, 3g of yeast, mix
2. flock into 400g of flour – she gets something quite stiff, but I tend to get more of a light bread dough, even when putting in additional flour
3. knead, he sleeps
4. pour 50g of boiling oil over 40g of flour, 5g of salt, and 5g of pepper
5. wake him up, clean up on floured board, roll out thinly on floured board – you want to get like 5-6 folds while preserving the major dimension
6. deploy and spread the oily goop
7. roll up fold-wise while preserving the major dimension
8. cut into 6 guys
9. for each guy:
   1. crimp cut ends
   2. roll out the resulting skirts
   3. fold the edges in, then the flap up
   4. invert, roll, invert, roll, invert
   5. brush with oil, deploy black sesame
   6. he sleeps for 10min
   7. fry covered on dark oil, flip after 1min, flip after 1min, flip after 1min, flip after 1min

Chef Wang teaches you: "Pork Liver Soup", a traditional Sichuan soup dish (厨师长教你：“生汆猪肝汤”的家常做法，清爽滑嫩，鲜而不腥), by Chef Wang 美食作家王刚, replicated 2023-08-24, 2023-08-26:

1. soak some fungus and dried lilies for 30min – the lilies appear to be a very regional product, I just put in some dried apricots in a similar aspect ratio
2. detendonise a small hog's liver, cut into small strips – ~4 poultry livers also work but it's a hell of a job to de-tendonise them and you don't get nice pieces
3. spoon of salt, launder, fill with water, launder, drain, squeeze
4. 1.5 spoons (nom. ~1.5g) of salt, and some (nom. ~1g) white pepper, launder
5. 1 egg'ss white, launder
6. add a few hands (nom. 50g) of starch, laundering in betweem; let "marinate" – he specs sweet potato, I don't think this is sold here. normal starch works; appx. four to five hands went into poultry livers and hog's liver, resp.
7. quarter 1 tomato, de-seed, de-skin, cut into strips
8. de-root a couple small pokchois
9. shred a couple onion whites
10. shred a "small bit" of ginger
11. blanch the soakers
12. boil the blanched soakers with the ginger and some lard, 1 spoon (nom. 3g) of salt, and 1 pinch (nom. 0.5g) each of white pepper and MSG
13. deploy each bit of liver piece-wise into the boiling water
14. let it "half-cook"
15. deploy the rest of the vegetables
16. boil midly and de-froth until "the vegetables are half-cooked"

这样烙饼好神奇！不抹油不包油酥，个个空心像气球，简单好吃, by Yi Ning's Mother Loves Food, replicated 2023-08-10, 2023-08-11, 2023-08-12, 2023-08-13, 2023-08-16, 2023-08-17, 2023-08-18, 2023-08-19, 2023-08-20, 2023-08-21, 2023-08-22, …, 2023-09-06, …:

1. 100g of rye flour, 190g of boiling water, pastify, let cool to yeast temp
2. mix in 3g of yeast
3. 200g of flour, knead
4. he sleeps
5. cylindrise, divide 6-wise
6. for each guy: knead radially, ballify
7. for each guy: flatten directly, flour bilaterally, roll out to 2-3mm, bake on casting

糯米粉这样做，比驴打滚简单好吃，一口一个软糯香甜，夏天必吃, by Yi Ning's Mother Loves Food, replicated 2023-07-31:

1. 180g of sticky rice flour, 20g of corn starch, 20g of sugar, 220g of milk, whisk – I don't operate under a corn-based economy, so I just had potato
2. steam for 20min – she has a flat bowl, mine was still raw inside; I did altogether 40min
3. cut in, deploy 20g of butter, hide
4. knead in the butter once wet, ballify
5. deploy on soy flour, roll out rectangularly until 2-3mm
6. to exhaustion: deploy bean paste length-wise near edge, snakify, separate, fix weld
7. for each snake: to exhaustion: cut off a piece
8. toss the pieces in soy flour to cover

The chef teaches you the recipe for Bean curd skin , it's too fragrant (豆腐皮这个做法太好吃了，我家一周吃6次，上桌就光盘，太香了！Bean curd skin recipe), by 家常菜日记, replicated 2023-07-27:

1. soak fungus in water with a little salt and some flour for 5min, wash in clean water – he specs auricularia cornea, which only has a wiki article in śląski and no common names; I used dried shredded mun because thats what I had
2. cut up 2 bean curd skins into strips, then parallelograms – his appeared smaller and thicker than mine, the stack I got looked like twice what he did, so I doubled the rest and it made two big bowls
3. cut a flat half of a long red and long green pepper lengthwise then parallelogramwise
4. shred two chives, keep the white bit separate
5. mince a garlic, save it with the white bit
6. for sus:
   1. a little salt
   2. a little chicken essence (bullion cube)
   3. ground pepper
   4. two spoons of light soy sus
   5. an spoon of oyster sus
   6. a drip of dark soy sus (colour only)
   7. half a spoon of corn starch – I don't operate under a corn-based economy, so I just had potato
   8. stir with some water
7. boil the skin for 30s
8. boil the shrooms for 2min
9. heat oil, fry the white bit + garlic with an spoon of bean paste until the oil reddens
10. fry with shrooms
11. fry with skin
12. boil for 2min with the sus
13. fry with with peppers
14. finish with chives

The lightness of the soy sus is paramount here, it really did come Too Salty™.

Beef Stuffed Flatbread (薄皮馅饼 Stuffed Flatbread), by 小高姐的 Magic Ingredients, replicated 2023-07-21:

1. 350g of flour, 210g of water, ¼ of a small spoon of yeast, 1 spoon of oil, mix to accrue, he sleeps for 15min
2. knead for 1min, divide 6-wise
3. for each guy: knead radially, press directly knead-side down, he sleeps for at least 20min
4. for each guy:
   1. flatten directly in the hand
   2. deploy gloop ball
   3. encompass, close with a flat weld
   4. deploy weld-side down on oiled sheet
   5. cover with oil
5. cover the sheet with plastic, fridge for the night
6. for each guy:
   1. extract
   2. flatten directly on oiled board
   3. roll out – I opted for flattening directly entirely
   4. fry on oil expectedly

with a spec gloop of

1. 60g of starch noodles boiled for 3min, run through with cold water, and shredded
2. 100g of chives finely chopped
3. 200g of beef extrusion, 1 spoon of soy sus, 1 spoon of dark soy sus, ¼ of a small spoon of ground pepper from sichuan, ¼ of a small spoon of ground white pepper, ¼ of a small spoon of salt, ⅛ of a small spoon of five spices, mix
4. pour on 1 spoon of sesame oil and 1 spoon of oil on the the chives and noodles, mix
5. mix the chive and noodle gloop with the meat
6. divide 6-wise, ballify

I had not realised this was a yankified recipe until after having fridged it – this explains why my meat was pale and the result was lacking flavour – she uses spoon-based measurements, but she actually means "customary ladle #7". Actual measures yet unknown.

开花馒头，开不开花揉馒头方法很关键，做对了一出锅个个笑开花【三丰美食】, by 三丰美食, replicated 2023-07-06, 2023-07-08:

1. 40g of dark sugar, 190g of hot water, mix to solve, wait to cool to like 40°
2. some yeast, 3g of baking powder, mix – I had originally mis-taken this to be salt and put a spoon of salt in; this ended up tasting better, and I haven't detected an appreciable change from the powder
3. 350g of flour, knead, he sleeps covered
4. pour hot water over 11 jujube, cut up into small bits
5. flatten the risen dough in the bowl, deploy 1g of soda in 10g(?) of water, knead, he sleeps covered for 15min
6. flatten on board, deploy jujube, knead in, cylindrise, tear into 7 guys
7. for each guy:
   1. flatten directly(?)
   2. fold a point at the bottom to the top on the same radius, rotate a bit, repeat for like two rotations
   3. indent, form conically
   4. sleep for 15min
   5. boil water, deploy, let rip for 15min

I haven't gotten these to work morphologically.

Blossom steamed bread delicious method is very simple (开花馒头好吃方法很简单，学会这个做法，蓬松柔软个个开花【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-06-13, 2023-06-15, 2023-06-17, 2023-06-28, 2023-06-30, 2023-07-18, 2023-08-14:

1. 500g of flour, 4-5g of yeast, 35g of sugar, 50-60g egg, mix
2. flock in 80g of yogurt – I've been informed chinese yogurt is closer to zsiadłe mleko (or, indeed, lait ribot). that worked fine
3. flock in 200g of hot milk – to compensate the cold egg and "yogurt"
4. knead to accrue, stretch out on board, deposit 15g of butter, gloop in – she uses clarified, normal worked fine
5. he sleeps
6. tear him open, knead radially roll-wise, cylindrise. divide 7-wise
7. for each guy: knead, smooth, ballify
8. for each guy:
   1. spin around on floured board
   2. invert, indent radially
   3. invert, spin around on floured board
   4. deposit flour-side up to sleep for 15min
   5. boil water, deploy, let rip for 15min, kill the heat and leave alone for 2min

I haven't gotten an intentation technique that wasn't just a knife to work, idk how she does it.

Home version of big steamed dumplings learn to do this, soft and chewy (家庭版大蒸饺学会这样做，柔软筋道不破皮不漏馅，适合新手【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-06-04, 2023-06-06, 2023-06-08, 2023-06-10:

1. 500g of flour, 3g of salt, mix
2. flock in 150g of boiling water in one half
3. flock in 150g of cold water in the other half
4. drizzle oil, knead roughly
5. he sleeps for 10min, knead, he sleeps hidden for 30min
6. halve, roll out each into thick cylinder, divide each into ~12, flatten each directly, hide
7. for each guy: flatten directly, roll out radially, deploy 3 spoons of filling, close, deploy on boiling water for 10min – small scoops maybe? or my potatoes are small

with a spec gloop of

1. big potato and carrot grated long, washed twice in cold water, blanched for 30s, extracted into cold water, squeezed, roughly shredded
2. half a sweet pepper and some green onion shredded
3. ginger, thirteen spices, bullion cube, salt
4. pour hot oil overtop, stir

Hometown gourmet brown sugar shortbread, step-by-step explanation (家乡美食红糖酥饼，步骤详细讲解，酥脆香甜不用出去买【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-21:

1. 500g of flour. 1g of yeast, 1g of baking soda, mix – I ended up wanting like half a hand more
2. flock in 125g of sesame oil, rub together in hands for full dispersal
3. flock in 200g of like 40° water
4. knead roughly, he sleeps in a bag for 10min, shortly knead smooth, he sleeps hidden for 30min
5. gloop Ш: 100g of flour, 65g of sesame oil – I again needed a half-spoon to get the desired thick consistency
6. gloop Ё: 100g of flour, a few grams of water, mix, 250g of brown sugar, mix – hers is absolutely sodden and very dark; mine isn't and I don't think it's available here; you need a reasonably wet-adsorbed gloop for it to set
7. flatten the dough directly, roll out rectangularly – keep in mind the post-cylindrisation aspect to be relatively square instead of long; I did it essentially the same aspect as for flower rolls because it's a happy one for the table and it was too wide
8. spackle gloop Ш
9. roll into tight cylinder, even out diameter
10. cut into 8 guys, hide
11. for each guy:
    1. pull into hand-sized roughly-equal-thickness hemisphere
    2. deploy three spoons of gloop Ё
    3. close like a bun, but really press it
    4. spin around weld-side down to enforce the ass
12. for each guy:
    1. spin around ass-down, flatten directly
    2. roll out and quarter-turn thrice
    3. flip
    4. roll out and quarter-turn more than thrice – you really can't go too thin but you can go too thick
    5. deploy ass-down on hot oiled leccy pan, brush with oil
    6. flip when bottom brown
    7. flip when bottom brown
    8. flip when bottom browner – "overall 8-9min" was about right for me

Homemade Hanamaki is simple and practical, you can learn it in a minute (家常花卷简单实用，一分钟就能学会，营养丰富层多柔软【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-17, 2023-05-22, 2023-08-02:

1. half a pumpkin in 4mm slices, steamed for 20min, blended with water for a loose gloop – I used an 850g dynia piżmowa, which is just about what her half a pumpkin looked like, but do not be fooled: she did not use the whole half a pumpkin
2. define dough over Ш as
   1. 300g of flour, 2g of yeast, 1.5g of baking powder, mixed
   2. flock in 180g of like 40° Ш
   3. knead, he sleeps for 5min
3. dough over the gloop
4. dough over water
5. roll gloop dough into big 1:2 rectangle – 38×35cm's much too thick, 32×55cm is better
6. flour and roll up on a broom handle
7. roll water dough to same size
8. spray water
9. extract the broom rectangle, weld by light rolling
10. brush with oil
11. roll into tight cylinder, preserving the major dimension
12. cut into like 6cm pieces with something sharp
13. for each guy:
    1. squeeze the center third parallel to the cut edges
    2. squeeze the corners belonging to the same uncut edge together
    3. twist in opposite direxions and weld on the opposite side to the freshly-formed edge-face
    4. hide for 20min
    5. boil the water, deploy, let rip for 15min, kill the heat and leave alone for 2min

How to make Haijuan Gourmet's big white steamed buns with bright surface? (【面食合集】表面光亮的大白馒头怎么做？蓬松柔软又好吃，看一遍就会做！【海娟美食】), at 7:21, by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-12, 2023-05-15:

1. 50g egg, 260g of water, 100g of milk, 20g of sugar, 4g of salt, 5g of yeast, 50g of corn oil, whisk – olive oil works fine; she doesn't say "warm water" so I used normal and it didn't really rise that well, so; doing all but water and yeast first, then hot water to compensate the cold milk and eggs to a sensible temperature, then the yeast worked well
2. whisk in 650g of flour – again, I needed like 55g more; she gets a floculent out of the whisking which is very much not what I got; normal stick-based flocking worked better
3. knead – "a little longer" is once again sensible
4. he sleeps for 40min
5. knead to de-gas, halve, cylindrise both, cut each nine-wise, ballise each
6. lay out in three rows, deploy a gloop of clarified butter on two – for lack of clarified, normal worked fine
7. flatten each guy directly
8. stack column-wise, unbuttered on buttered on buttered
9. they sleep covered for 5min
10. for each stack:
    1. flatten directly, flip, flatten directly, &c.
    2. fold a point on the perimeter to the middle
    3. repeat 7 times 45° apart
    4. hide weld-side down
11. for each guy:
    1. flatten directly – you want them really quite flat, otherwise the bulk ends up raw
    2. deploy weld-side down on hot buttered leccy pan
    3. flatten the edge directly
    4. brush butter on top – this step I forgor 💀 the first time but then my pan was quite buttered; it's crucial for a good effect if your guys are big and thus don't leave a lot of free butter post-flip
    5. cover for 1min – I needed like 1:20 to get even close to the displayed browning level
    6. flip, let rip for another 2min – as above; "when both sides are golden brown, it can be out of the pan"

Chinese rural specialty delicacy Hushi sugar baker (中国农村特色美食呼市方糖焙子，从和面到制作油酥很详细，香甜可口还柔软【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-12, 2023-05-14:

1. 500g of flour, 4-5g of yeast, 2g of baking powder, 1g of baking soda, 5g of sugar, 50g egg, 20g of safflower oil, flock – I needed 585g
2. flock in 300g of like 40° water
3. knead – "needs a little more kneading" is right, needs much more due to the oil
4. he sleeps for 30min
5. knead to de-gas, roll cylindrically, cut six-wise, spin each into ball, hide
6. 180g of flour, 150g of sesame oil, 150g of sugar, stir – I needed 212g
7. for each guy:
   1. pull into hand-sized hemisphere
   2. 2-3 spoons of gloop
   3. close like a bun with a flat top
   4. spin on counter, weld-side down, to form the ass thereon
   5. hide
8. for each guy:
   1. pat sides-on to rectangularise
   2. roll out long, mostly save the very ends
   3. correct for wide spots
   4. flip
   5. define folding as
      1. fold top edge to bottom third, press lightly
      2. roll the weld and the uncovered third
      3. fold the bottom edge to the new top, press strongly
      4. quarter-turn
   6. folding
   7. roll out long, mostly save the very ends
   8. folding
   9. roll out long, mostly save the very ends
   10. folding
   11. flip, roll rectangularly
   12. hide on tray
   – resist the temptation of doing it super thin, because it takes it very well, but I think it affected the rise a bit
9. brush all with oil, they sleep covered for 20min
10. sprinkle with sesame and sugar
11. bake at 190° for 20min

Again, for me the recipe suffers from her flour having, oddly, since she lives in a hotter wetter climate, much more flour per flour (the first time I had three hands and three gloops of flour more to get the same consistency on both as she did; second time as above); conversely, her sugar is absolutely sodden.

How to make Haijuan Gourmet's big white steamed buns with bright surface? (【面食合集】表面光亮的大白馒头怎么做？蓬松柔软又好吃，看一遍就会做！【海娟美食】), at 14:46, by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-08:

1. "small bowl" of flour – my similarly-profiled and probably-similarly-sized bowl came out to 488g
2. twice that many bolws of water – 1470g
3. salt, 3 eggs
4. handful of a green onion – came out to ~50g of szczypiorek
5. whisk
6. for each guy:
   1. brush oil on a hot pan
   2. some mixture, roll to spread
   3. when it sets a bit (changes colour?), drizzle oil
   4. when it gets a bubble in the middle, flip
   5. when it gets a bubble in the middle, roll around
   6. roll around again within the minute
   7. flip after just a little fried
   8. extract after 10s

Unclear what the hell happened, but she appears to be doing these on a well-maintained casting; it turned out all my normal-sized plastic pans are apparently ass. Similarly, it appeared impossible to not get something much thicker than what she got, with reduced volumes just yielding smaller pancakes of a constant depth. Except for like three, none of them behaved at all. The surface didn't really change colour to yellower in the same way that hers did; it did get a bubble in the middle, but it was only sufficiently stable to flip when either (a) never because it burned on the ass pan, or (b) it was already quite fried, and hers were still white at this time.

From snacks to big sauced meat buns, the skin is thin and the stuffing is big and soft (从小吃到大的酱肉包子，皮薄馅大又暄软，不塌陷不回缩【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-07; gloop replicated 2023-07-10:

1. 300g of like 40° water, 4g of yeast, 5g of sugar, stir to suspend
2. flock in 500g of flour
3. 10g of lard – I used hog fat from last time, worked very well
4. knead, he sleeps sleep in the bowl until he doubles in size – I was gonna try the usual 40min, but I made and cooled the gloop in this time for 100min; still worked well
5. knead to de-gas, roll into cylinder, divide 16 ways
6. for each guy: spin him flat, ballify him, hide under plastic – or some magical plastic that doesn't stick to it, because the one I had did
7. for each guy: flatten directly, roll out radially (somewhere in the vicinity of upward of 2mm) leaving a thicker area for the ass in the middle, re-hide – I misunderstood the video, and did this individually before packing each bun; worked fine tho; it really does help to have something that's mostly round
8. for each guy: get him on your off-hand, center over the kuckles, 3-4 spoons of gloop and squish it, close it, spin around to enforce the ass, deposit on paper in basket – this may've been because I've never shut up a bun before so I didn't really know how I usually liked, or that I need mechanical assitance to bend my hand that way, or w/e, but I got in 2-3 spoons at most; operator error
9. they sleep there covered for 10min – they only grow a bit sideways while sleeping but much more when steaming; I knew this and still put them too close together
10. boil the water, let rip for 15min, kill the heat and leave alone for 3min, extract

with a spec gloop of

1. 2(?) handfuls of pokchois, blanched in water with olive oil for 1min, dumped in ice water, squeezed dry, shredded – idk how I'd get pokchois, so I used what came out to 473g of kapusta pekińska ("napa cabbage" apparently), and I had lower cook volume so 2min, and that behaved like hers did
2. "a few washed shiitakes", thick cuboidsed, same cooking – looks like 7 big ones; all the shrooms I had on hand was 30g of dried shiitakes, and those, re-wetted, worked fine in here, compensated with more leeks and that worked
3. big tall pan, considerable volume of oil, a "dozen peppercorns", 1 star anise pod, fried until the pepper changes colour, plants removed – my pepper does not look like hers, unclear to me what I'd call what she put in there
4. chopped ginger – similar quantity to last time was a tad small – and all but half a handful of two medium-but-all-white-bit-leeks(?), halved length-wise and shredded, until they change colour
5. minced hog (but not too fine), fried until mostly-cooked – 800g was about right proportionally, but seemed leaner or drier than what she had, so compensated with remainder of the hog fat from last time, and the commercial stuff I got was in extrusions and pre-cutting them to like 1.5cm worked to get a similar granulation to what she has
6. pepper, "bean paste" (miso?), soy sus, oyster sus, salt, "chicken essence" (bit of a boullion cube?), fry to fully cook and disperse the colour – one and a most of a 15g miso packet was too little for this much schmeat; fish sus worked well I think; half a "strong" boullion cube
7. the shiitakes, keep frying for 1min, extract, cool
8. the blanched pokchois, rest of the leek, mix

Quite easy (sans the wrapping, but the first pieróg you wrapped also looked like ass and now you can do them without looking, so); the lard in the dough is magic.

Leek multi-layer cake is delicious and no skill (韭菜多层饼好吃无技巧，层层有饼层层有馅，咸香味美满嘴香！【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-03:

1. 500g of flour, ~2g of salt, flock with 150g of boiling water then 130g of normal
2. 60g egg – I had good results with an uncompensated 70g one
3. knead via pulling
4. roll into cylinder, cut into 8 guys, spin each guy flat then ball him; they all sleep on a tray for 1h, oiled and plasticked
5. with oiled counter, stick, and hands, roll each guy into like a 2:5 rectangle
6. "not too thin", but you do want it quite thin, presumably the difference here is "not paper-thin"
7. dispense gloop, omit ~1-1.5cm from the edge, fold thrice (4 sections), roll and press the loose ends toward the face with the last fold
8. these go on a hot oiled leccy pan, weld side down, ~1min on the first side until they set, then flip 1/min for ~6min total – filling ought to be visible from the edges here but may not be if the dough's thick and you don't have much contrast in the gloop

with a spec gloop of

1. cold fried minced hog
2. minced ginger, "dark soy" (miso?), soy sus, thirteen spices, "chicken essence" (bit of a boullion cube?), oyster sus, salt
3. rough-chopped scallions

and I had good (if lightly-loaded, wants more matter) results with

1. 400g of fried minced hog, most fat drained
2. most of the white bit of a leek
3. most of a big shallot
4. half a big carrot
5. a forefinger's worth of ginger – go for the first two knuckles (or more meat) next time
6. a 15g miso packet
7. soy sus, fish sus, salt

Top-most recipe from Top 6 najlepszych przepisów na topinambur, by Ugotowane, Pozamiatane, replicated 2023-05-01:

1. 1kg of topinambur, 1l of milk, boil until "soft", and normal potato heuristics work – I had closer to 700g so everything's scaled appropriately, with a small turmeric to generate the piss colour
2. drain of milk, put in 1l of boullion, 100ml of amaretto, a gloop of maple syrup, big pinch each of nutmeg, salt, and pepper
3. 500ml of 36% cream – this would be unbearably fat. for the scaled amount I used a 400g bucket of 12% and that worked well
4. blend

Cornmeal for rolls? Easy to make fluffy and soft (玉米面不蒸馒头做花卷？蓬松柔软做法简单，全程无难度【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-04-29, 2023-05-02, 2023-05-02:

1. 200g of corn, flock with 200g of boiling water, let cool until not hot to second knuckle – with the eggs you want to get a good yeast temp
2. 3g of yeast, spoon of sugar, two eggs – mine are ~70g
3. 200g of flour – maybe my eggs are huge, maybe idk, but starting with 250g and likely adding slightly more to get to a reasonable "dough" consistency — instead of a paste, which doesn't rise; the spec is to maybe add water which is insane to me — worked for me to avoid the 2023-05-02 incident again
4. flock, accrue, knead in bowl for 5min, he sleeps in the covered bowl for 40min
5. knead a bit on floured counter to de-gas, roll into cylinder, cut into ~12 guys – there's a critical mass above which they won't re-rise(?), and 9 left them too big (again, 2023-05-02), 13 and 12 worked very well, and she does 12
6. for each guy:
   1. spin him flat – thus averaging the crust that's inevitably developed
   2. cylindrise, flatten, roll out long – you want a high aspect ratio and relatively thin; if he sticks to the counter then unstick him, flour the counter, and zoom him around so he's free for the next step
   3. start a cut through the middle ~.5-1cm from one edge, and through the other
   4. "braid him like a braid", i.e. keep passing one over the other, keep the top-facing faces facing the top and the counter-facing faces facing the counter
   5. at the end, weld the halves together again – the best-kept secret here is that no matter how badly you do any of this it'll turn out great
   6. flip (dry side up wet side down now), roll from the welded bit to the uncut bit, stick the tongue that's left to the side, may need water assist
   7. ass-down spin him around a bit to ensure flat perpendicular ass
   8. hide under a cover
   – this took me like 50 minutes the first time, and like 40 the third
7. oil a pan, lay them there, they sleep covered for 15min
8. crank to medium for three minutes – maybe her leccy pan is more powerful than my stove, I need like 1min on 9 then 4min on 6, you're shooting for a well-developed brown crust on the ass
9. pour water ⅓^rd way up – the guys? the pan? idk. – kill the heat, they steam until the water gets sucked off (~10min)

These came out just about perfect 2023-04-29, but the water level is finnicky, and pouring in more and turning the heat back on turns out badly for me (stuck to bottom; 2023-05-02, 2023-05-02). Maybe this is easier if you have a plastic pan the right size, but my biggest (Φ245) is stainless (but the right size). Operator error.

Gratin de salsifis, by swissmilk, replicated 2023-04-26:

1. water, salt, and lemon juice in pot
2. peel 1kg of salsifis under the tap, trim to 15cmish bits, directly into pot
3. boil 15-20min – until relatively not super hard
4. drain and replace with cold water
5. butter a baking dish – an oval 130×185 one was a bit small for a 500g-scaled batch and it got filled instead of getting two layers
6. lay out the salsifis, wrap the top-most layer in ham
7. 300ml of "half-cream", pepper, half a small spoon each of salt and paprika are poured over and down – I used 18% and had to push it down a bit, maybe wants 12% or something
8. grate gruyère and dump some cut hazelnuts on top – smashed works too
9. bake at 220° for 20-25min – ideally you wanna get colour on the ham, but not burn the cheese

Homemade flower rolls are delicious and no skills, suitable for novice making (家常花卷好吃无技巧，松软白亮方法简单，适合新手制作【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-04-15, 2023-04-23:

1. 500g of flour, 4g of yeast, spoon of sugar, flock with 300g of 40° water, accrue, knead in bowl for 5min, he sleeps in the covered bowl for 40min
2. knead a bit on floured counter to de-gas, roll into cylinder, cut at ⅖^ths or like a ⅓^rd
3. both parts (small first, big goes around it):
   1. flatten, roll out rectangularly – the major dimension will inform the output Φ, but it's relatively forgiving, and you can shorten and obversely elongate segments as required
   2. thoroughly brush with oil – it "had better be cooked"; olive and a smelly one are fine, blank kujawski sucks
   3. stochastically dust with dry flour a bit – unclear what this achieves, the splotches achieved don't form a coherent layer and are not enough to influence adhesion in any way
   4. roll tightly into a cylinder, preserving the major dimension
   5. make sure it's not stuck and won't easily stick to the counter
   6. cut most of the way through every ~3cm – you wanna leave like two layers alone
   7. push down stick A on an edge segment, then stick B on the next one, and squeeze them downward and together, thus exposing the internal edges
   8. apply stick C similarly on the subsequent segment, and squeeze it downward and together with stick B, then free stick A
   9. repeat through-out all the segments
   10. assemble into a circle in situ in a papered steamer
4. give him half a date – this is life advice
5. put the steamer on the pot, he sleeps for 10min
6. boil the water, then let rip for 15min, kill the heat and leave alone for 3min, extract

The title's right: suitable for completely inept imbeciles like me. 0 failure 0 technique.

Originally derived from Making the slavic bagel, by Life of Boris. First replicated 2022-06-06, but this was my sole bread in-take for the 2022-07-06–2022-10-28 period (at which point I sustained multiple hand wounds, which don't really cooperate well with this):

1. ~400g of flour, ~100g of water, 2 eggs, 1 spoon of malt, 1 small spoon of salt, yeast; knead, adding flour until dry
2. ballify like six-wise and let rip for a bit – my notes just say "let rip", natch; cover with a rag, spray with water; either half an hour or an hour
3. unstick, gently skrungle and expand the hole in the middle, boil each guy 30s/side, flip once – you probably wanna dump some salt and the remaining flour to the medium; I do two at a time, whereupon they move to a plate and new guys enter, the plate ones get doused in salt/sesame/poppy, and
4. why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out the ~185° for 15-40min – harder flours rise less and need longer, full-pump white is the lower bound here