My answer to the replication crisis

Latest replication: 2023-05-22.

#Old-fashioned brown sugar short-bread

Hometown gourmet brown sugar shortbread, step-by-step explanation (家乡美食红糖酥饼,步骤详细讲解,酥脆香甜不用出去买【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-21:

  1. 500g of flour. 1g of yeast, 1g of baking soda, mix – I ended up wanting like half a hand more
  2. flock in 125g of sesame oil, rub together in hands for full dispersal
  3. flock in 200g of like 40° water
  4. knead roughly, he sleeps in a bag for 10min, shortly knead smooth, he sleeps hidden for 30min
  5. gloop Ш: 100g of flour, 65g of sesame oil – I again needed a half-spoon to get the desired thick consistency
  6. gloop Ё: 100g of flour, a few grams of water, mix, 250g of brown sugar, mix – hers is absolutely sodden and very dark; mine isn't and I don't think it's available here; you need a reasonably wet-adsorbed gloop for it to set
  7. flatten the dough directly, roll out rectangularly – keep in mind the post-cylindrisation aspect to be relatively square instead of long; I did it essentially the same aspect as for flower rolls because it's a happy one for the table and it was too wide
  8. spackle gloop Ш
  9. roll into tight cylinder, even out diameter
  10. cut into 8 guys, hide
  11. for each guy:
    1. pull into hand-sized roughly-equal-thickness hemisphere
    2. deploy three spoons of gloop Ё
    3. close like a bun, but really press it
    4. spin around weld-side down to enforce the ass
  12. for each guy:
    1. spin around ass-down, flatten directly
    2. roll out and quarter-turn thrice
    3. flip
    4. roll out and quarter-turn more than thrice – you really can't go too thin but you can go too thick
    5. deploy ass-down on hot oiled leccy pan, brush with oil
    6. flip when bottom brown
    7. flip when bottom brown
    8. flip when bottom browner – "overall 8-9min" was about right for me
#Pumpkin hanamaki

Homemade Hanamaki is simple and practical, you can learn it in a minute (家常花卷简单实用,一分钟就能学会,营养丰富层多柔软【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-17, 2023-05-22:

  1. half a pumpkin in 4mm slices, steamed for 20min, blended with water for a loose gloop – I used an 850g dynia piżmowa, which is just about what her half a pumpkin looked like, but do not be fooled: she did not use the whole half a pumpkin
  2. define dough over Ш as
    1. 300g of flour, 2g of yeast, 1.5g of baking powder, mixed
    2. flock in 180g of like 40° Ш
    3. knead, he sleeps for 5min
  3. dough over the gloop
  4. dough over water
  5. roll gloop dough into big 1:2 rectangle – 38×35cm's much too thick, 32×55cm is better
  6. flour and roll up on a broom handle
  7. roll water dough to same size
  8. spray water
  9. extract the broom rectangle, weld by light rolling
  10. brush with oil
  11. roll into tight cylinder, preserving the major dimension
  12. cut into like 6cm pieces with something sharp
  13. for each guy:
    1. squeeze the center third parallel to the cut edges
    2. squeeze the corners belonging to the same uncut edge together
    3. twist in opposite direxions and weld on the opposite side to the freshly-formed edge-face
    4. hide for 20min
    5. boil the water, deploy, let rip for 15min, kill the heat and leave alone for 2min
#Butter bread

How to make Haijuan Gourmet's big white steamed buns with bright surface? (【面食合集】表面光亮的大白馒头怎么做?蓬松柔软又好吃,看一遍就会做!【海娟美食】), at 7:21, by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-12, 2023-05-15:

  1. 50g egg, 260g of water, 100g of milk, 20g of sugar, 4g of salt, 5g of yeast, 50g of corn oil, whisk – olive oil works fine; she doesn't say "warm water" so I used normal and it didn't really rise that well, so; doing all but water and yeast first, then hot water to compensate the cold milk and eggs to a sensible temperature, then the yeast worked well
  2. whisk in 650g of flour – again, I needed like 55g more; she gets a floculent out of the whisking which is very much not what I got; normal stick-based flocking worked better
  3. knead – "a little longer" is once again sensible
  4. he sleeps for 40min
  5. knead to de-gas, halve, cylindrise both, cut each nine-wise, ballise each
  6. lay out in three rows, deploy a gloop of clarified butter on two – for lack of clarified, normal worked fine
  7. flatten each guy directly
  8. stack column-wise, unbuttered on buttered on buttered
  9. they sleep covered for 5min
  10. for each stack:
    1. flatten directly, flip, flatten directly, &c.
    2. fold a point on the perimeter to the middle
    3. repeat 7 times 45° apart
    4. hide weld-side down
  11. for each guy:
    1. flatten directly – you want them really quite flat, otherwise the bulk ends up raw
    2. deploy weld-side down on hot buttered leccy pan
    3. flatten the edge directly
    4. brush butter on top – this step I forgor 💀 the first time but then my pan was quite buttered; it's crucial for a good effect if your guys are big and thus don't leave a lot of free butter post-flip
    5. cover for 1min – I needed like 1:20 to get even close to the displayed browning level
    6. flip, let rip for another 2min – as above; "when both sides are golden brown, it can be out of the pan"
#Hushi confexion

Chinese rural specialty delicacy Hushi sugar baker (中国农村特色美食呼市方糖焙子,从和面到制作油酥很详细,香甜可口还柔软【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-12, 2023-05-14:

  1. 500g of flour, 4-5g of yeast, 2g of baking powder, 1g of baking soda, 5g of sugar, 50g egg, 20g of safflower oil, flock – I needed 585g
  2. flock in 300g of like 40° water
  3. knead – "needs a little more kneading" is right, needs much more due to the oil
  4. he sleeps for 30min
  5. knead to de-gas, roll cylindrically, cut six-wise, spin each into ball, hide
  6. 180g of flour, 150g of sesame oil, 150g of sugar, stir – I needed 212g
  7. for each guy:
    1. pull into hand-sized hemisphere
    2. 2-3 spoons of gloop
    3. close like a bun with a flat top
    4. spin on counter, weld-side down, to form the ass thereon
    5. hide
  8. for each guy:
    1. pat sides-on to rectangularise
    2. roll out long, mostly save the very ends
    3. correct for wide spots
    4. flip
    5. define folding as
      1. fold top edge to bottom third, press lightly
      2. roll the weld and the uncovered third
      3. fold the bottom edge to the new top, press strongly
      4. quarter-turn
    6. folding
    7. roll out long, mostly save the very ends
    8. folding
    9. roll out long, mostly save the very ends
    10. folding
    11. flip, roll rectangularly
    12. hide on tray
    – resist the temptation of doing it super thin, because it takes it very well, but I think it affected the rise a bit
  9. brush all with oil, they sleep covered for 20min
  10. sprinkle with sesame and sugar
  11. bake at 190° for 20min

Again, for me the recipe suffers from her flour having, oddly, since she lives in a hotter wetter climate, much more flour per flour (the first time I had three hands and three gloops of flour more to get the same consistency on both as she did; second time as above); conversely, her sugar is absolutely sodden.

#Green onion pancake

How to make Haijuan Gourmet's big white steamed buns with bright surface? (【面食合集】表面光亮的大白馒头怎么做?蓬松柔软又好吃,看一遍就会做!【海娟美食】), at 14:46, by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-08:

  1. "small bowl" of flour – my similarly-profiled and probably-similarly-sized bowl came out to 488g
  2. twice that many bolws of water – 1470g
  3. salt, 3 eggs
  4. handful of a green onion – came out to ~50g of szczypiorek
  5. whisk
  6. for each guy:
    1. brush oil on a hot pan
    2. some mixture, roll to spread
    3. when it sets a bit (changes colour?), drizzle oil
    4. when it gets a bubble in the middle, flip
    5. when it gets a bubble in the middle, roll around
    6. roll around again within the minute
    7. flip after just a little fried
    8. extract after 10s

Unclear what the hell happened, but she appears to be doing these on a well-maintained casting; it turned out all my normal-sized plastic pans are apparently ass. Similarly, it appeared impossible to not get something much thicker than what she got, with reduced volumes just yielding smaller pancakes of a constant depth. Except for like three, none of them behaved at all. The surface didn't really change colour to yellower in the same way that hers did; it did get a bubble in the middle, but it was only sufficiently stable to flip when either (a) never because it burned on the ass pan, or (b) it was already quite fried, and hers were still white at this time.


From snacks to big sauced meat buns, the skin is thin and the stuffing is big and soft (从小吃到大的酱肉包子,皮薄馅大又暄软,不塌陷不回缩【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-07:

  1. 300g of like 40° water, 4g of yeast, 5g of sugar, stir to suspend
  2. flock in 500g of flour
  3. 10g of lard – I used hog fat from last time, worked very well
  4. knead, he sleeps sleep in the bowl until he doubles in size – I was gonna try the usual 40min, but I made and cooled the gloop in this time for 100min; still worked well
  5. knead to de-gas, roll into cylinder, divide 16 ways
  6. for each guy: spin him flat, ballify him, hide under plastic – or some magical plastic that doesn't stick to it, because the one I had did
  7. for each guy: flatten directly, roll out radially (somewhere in the vicinity of upward of 2mm) leaving a thicker area for the ass in the middle, re-hide – I misunderstood the video, and did this individually before packing each bun; worked fine tho; it really does help to have something that's mostly round
  8. for each guy: get him on your off-hand, center over the kuckles, 3-4 spoons of gloop and squish it, close it, spin around to enforce the ass, deposit on paper in basket – this may've been because I've never shut up a bun before so I didn't really know how I usually liked, or that I need mechanical assitance to bend my hand that way, or w/e, but I got in 2-3 spoons at most; operator error
  9. they sleep there covered for 10min – they only grow a bit sideways while sleeping but much more when steaming; I knew this and still put them too close together
  10. boil the water, let rip for 15min, kill the heat and leave alone for 3min, extract

with a spec gloop of

  1. 2(?) handfuls of pokchois, blanched in water with olive oil for 1min, dumped in ice water, squeezed dry, shredded – idk how I'd get pokchois, so I used what came out to 473g of kapusta pekińska ("napa cabbage" apparently), and I had lower cook volume so 2min, and that behaved like hers did
  2. "a few washed shiitakes", thick cuboidsed, same cooking – looks like 7 big ones; all the shrooms I had on hand was 30g of dried shiitakes, and those, re-wetted, worked fine in here, compensated with more leeks and that worked
  3. big tall pan, considerable volume of oil, a "dozen peppercorns", 1 star anise pod, fried until the pepper changes colour, plants removed – my pepper does not look like hers, unclear to me what I'd call what she put in there
  4. chopped ginger – similar quantity to last time was a tad small – and all but half a handful of two medium-but-all-white-bit-leeks(?), halved length-wise and shredded, until they change colour
  5. minced hog (but not too fine), fried until mostly-cooked – 800g was about right proportionally, but seemed leaner or drier than what she had, so compensated with remainder of the hog fat from last time, and the commercial stuff I got was in extrusions and pre-cutting them to like 1.5cm worked to get a similar granulation to what she has
  6. pepper, "bean paste" (miso?), soy sus, oyster sus, salt, "chicken essence" (bit of a boullion cube?), fry to fully cook and disperse the colour – one and a most of a 15g miso packet was too little for this much schmeat; fish sus worked well I think; half a "strong" boullion cube
  7. the shiitakes, keep frying for 1min, extract, cool
  8. the blanched pokchois, rest of the leek, mix

Quite easy (sans the wrapping, but the first pieróg you wrapped also looked like ass and now you can do them without looking, so); the lard in the dough is magic.

#Leek multi-layer cake

Leek multi-layer cake is delicious and no skill (韭菜多层饼好吃无技巧,层层有饼层层有馅,咸香味美满嘴香!【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-05-03:

  1. 500g of flour, ~2g of salt, flock with 150g of boiling water then 130g of normal
  2. 60g egg – I had good results with an uncompensated 70g one
  3. knead via pulling
  4. roll into cylinder, cut into 8 guys, spin each guy flat then ball him; they all sleep on a tray for 1h, oiled and plasticked
  5. with oiled counter, stick, and hands, roll each guy into like a 2:5 rectangle
  6. "not too thin", but you do want it quite thin, presumably the difference here is "not paper-thin"
  7. dispense gloop, omit ~1-1.5cm from the edge, fold thrice (4 sections), roll and press the loose ends toward the face with the last fold
  8. these go on a hot oiled leccy pan, weld side down, ~1min on the first side until they set, then flip 1/min for ~6min total – filling ought to be visible from the edges here but may not be if the dough's thick and you don't have much contrast in the gloop

with a spec gloop of

  1. cold fried minced hog
  2. minced ginger, "dark soy" (miso?), soy sus, thirteen spices, "chicken essence" (bit of a boullion cube?), oyster sus, salt
  3. rough-chopped scallions

and I had good (if lightly-loaded, wants more matter) results with

  1. 400g of fried minced hog, most fat drained
  2. most of the white bit of a leek
  3. most of a big shallot
  4. half a big carrot
  5. a forefinger's worth of ginger – go for the first two knuckles (or more meat) next time
  6. a 15g miso packet
  7. soy sus, fish sus, salt
#Topinambur cream soup

Top-most recipe from Top 6 najlepszych przepisów na topinambur, by Ugotowane, Pozamiatane, replicated 2023-05-01:

  1. 1kg of topinambur, 1l of milk, boil until "soft", and normal potato heuristics work – I had closer to 700g so everything's scaled appropriately, with a small turmeric to generate the piss colour
  2. drain of milk, put in 1l of boullion, 100ml of amaretto, a gloop of maple syrup, big pinch each of nutmeg, salt, and pepper
  3. 500ml of 36% cream – this would be unbearably fat. for the scaled amount I used a 400g bucket of 12% and that worked well
  4. blend
#Corn freamed (fried steamed) rolls (buns), rose-shaped

Cornmeal for rolls? Easy to make fluffy and soft (玉米面不蒸馒头做花卷?蓬松柔软做法简单,全程无难度【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-04-29, 2023-05-02, 2023-05-02:

  1. 200g of corn, flock with 200g of boiling water, let cool until not hot to second knuckle – with the eggs you want to get a good yeast temp
  2. 3g of yeast, spoon of sugar, two eggs – mine are ~70g
  3. 200g of flour – maybe my eggs are huge, maybe idk, but starting with 250g and likely adding slightly more to get to a reasonable "dough" consistency — instead of a paste, which doesn't rise; the spec is to maybe add water which is insane to me — worked for me to avoid the 2023-05-02 incident again
  4. flock, accrue, knead in bowl for 5min, he sleeps in the covered bowl for 40min
  5. knead a bit on floured counter to de-gas, roll into cylinder, cut into ~12 guys – there's a critical mass above which they won't re-rise(?), and 9 left them too big (again, 2023-05-02), 13 and 12 worked very well, and she does 12
  6. for each guy:
    1. spin him flat – thus averaging the crust that's inevitably developed
    2. cylindrise, flatten, roll out long – you want a high aspect ratio and relatively thin; if he sticks to the counter then unstick him, flour the counter, and zoom him around so he's free for the next step
    3. start a cut through the middle ~.5-1cm from one edge, and through the other
    4. "braid him like a braid", i.e. keep passing one over the other, keep the top-facing faces facing the top and the counter-facing faces facing the counter
    5. at the end, weld the halves together again – the best-kept secret here is that no matter how badly you do any of this it'll turn out great
    6. flip (dry side up wet side down now), roll from the welded bit to the uncut bit, stick the tongue that's left to the side, may need water assist
    7. ass-down spin him around a bit to ensure flat perpendicular ass
    8. hide under a cover
    – this took me like 50 minutes the first time, and like 40 the third
  7. oil a pan, lay them there, they sleep covered for 15min
  8. crank to medium for three minutes – maybe her leccy pan is more powerful than my stove, I need like 1min on 9 then 4min on 6, you're shooting for a well-developed brown crust on the ass
  9. pour water rd way up – the guys? the pan? idk. – kill the heat, they steam until the water gets sucked off (~10min)

These came out just about perfect 2023-04-29, but the water level is finnicky, and pouring in more and turning the heat back on turns out badly for me (stuck to bottom; 2023-05-02, 2023-05-02). Maybe this is easier if you have a plastic pan the right size, but my biggest (Φ245) is stainless (but the right size). Operator error.

#Gratin de salsifis

Gratin de salsifis, by swissmilk, replicated 2023-04-26:

  1. water, salt, and lemon juice in pot
  2. peel 1kg of salsifis under the tap, trim to 15cmish bits, directly into pot
  3. boil 15-20min – until relatively not super hard
  4. drain and replace with cold water
  5. butter a baking dish – an oval 130×185 one was a bit small for a 500g-scaled batch and it got filled instead of getting two layers
  6. lay out the salsifis, wrap the top-most layer in ham
  7. 300ml of "half-cream", pepper, half a small spoon each of salt and paprika are poured over and down – I used 18% and had to push it down a bit, maybe wants 12% or something
  8. grate gruyère and dump some cut hazelnuts on top – smashed works too
  9. bake at 220° for 20-25min – ideally you wanna get colour on the ham, but not burn the cheese
#Flower rolls (round steamed bread with an oil)

Homemade flower rolls are delicious and no skills, suitable for novice making (家常花卷好吃无技巧,松软白亮方法简单,适合新手制作【海娟美食】), by Haijuan Food, replicated 2023-04-15, 2023-04-23:

  1. 500g of flour, 4g of yeast, spoon of sugar, flock with 300g of 40° water, accrue, knead in bowl for 5min, he sleeps in the covered bowl for 40min
  2. knead a bit on floured counter to de-gas, roll into cylinder, cut at ths or like a rd
  3. both parts (small first, big goes around it):
    1. flatten, roll out rectangularly – the major dimension will inform the output Φ, but it's relatively forgiving, and you can shorten and obversely elongate segments as required
    2. thoroughly brush with oil – it "had better be cooked"; olive and a smelly one are fine, blank kujawski sucks
    3. stochastically dust with dry flour a bit – unclear what this achieves, the splotches achieved don't form a coherent layer and are not enough to influence adhesion in any way
    4. roll tightly into a cylinder, preserving the major dimension
    5. make sure it's not stuck and won't easily stick to the counter
    6. cut most of the way through every ~3cm – you wanna leave like two layers alone
    7. push down stick A on an edge segment, then stick B on the next one, and squeeze them downward and together, thus exposing the internal edges
    8. apply stick C similarly on the subsequent segment, and squeeze it downward and together with stick B, then free stick A
    9. repeat through-out all the segments
    10. assemble into a circle in situ in a papered steamer
  4. give him half a date – this is life advice
  5. put the steamer on the pot, he sleeps for 10min
  6. boil the water, then let rip for 15min, kill the heat and leave alone for 3min, extract

The title's right: suitable for completely inept imbeciles like me. 0 failure 0 technique.


Originally derived from Making the slavic bagel, by Life of Boris. First replicated 2022-06-06, but this was my sole bread in-take for the 2022-07-06–2022-10-28 period (at which point I sustained multiple hand wounds, which don't really cooperate well with this):

  1. ~400g of flour, ~100g of water, 2 eggs, 1 spoon of malt, 1 small spoon of salt, yeast; knead, adding flour until dry
  2. ballify like six-wise and let rip for a bit – my notes just say "let rip", natch; cover with a rag, spray with water; either half an hour or an hour
  3. unstick, gently skrungle and expand the hole in the middle, boil each guy 30s/side, flip once – you probably wanna dump some salt and the remaining flour to the medium; I do two at a time, whereupon they move to a plate and new guys enter, the plate ones get doused in salt/sesame/poppy, and
  4. why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out the ~185° for 15-40min – harder flours rise less and need longer, full-pump white is the lower bound here

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Automatically generated with Clang 14's C preprocessor on 22.05.2023 15:51:18 UTC from src/recipes/index.html.pp.
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